dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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