He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
