oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize