She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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