so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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