You made me cry and you don't even care
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Randomize
