Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
