If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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