I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
are you so shy because you have an std?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
