It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
