WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
