So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize