paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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