I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
