True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
