i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
