I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
