Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
