I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
