so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
