Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
