on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I love having hate sex.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
