I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
