Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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