i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
