naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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