I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
