Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
