We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
