girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
