Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
