Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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