I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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