he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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