Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize