i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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