Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
