new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
