So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
