Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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