Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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