oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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