i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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