Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I could make wine with my vomit
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
