I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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