Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
