so explain again why im purple
no
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
