I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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