??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
