Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
