I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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