come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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