Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
