No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
