Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I need to align my fucking chakras
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
