Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Semen is not good for contacts.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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