her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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