At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
