Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
