wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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