I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
