I wish life had little blips of pornography
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
