this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
