Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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