I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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