she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
