Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize