no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
