How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
