i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize