Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
