MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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