You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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