i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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