How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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