i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize