im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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