I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
